You: Female. 18-99. Waxed butt. No closer relation than second cousin.
Me: Fat. Alcoholic. Chronic diarrhea. Six kids from seven women. Not into exercise. Pretty much just jack it or watch TV all day. Homeless. Jobless. Premature ejaculator. No sense of humor. Still living with my parents but saving up to rent their garage. I don’t use condoms so don’t even think about asking. Anything else just let me know.
All dates and romantic correspondence can be arranged via email@example.com