Electronic Penis Vacuum + Amplifier

You: Female. 18-99. Preferably human.

Me: 45 year old lizard enthusiast who could stand to lose a few pounds. My last six marriages ended in failure but I still believe in love. My first wife was a vampire. The third a pedophile. I myself just got out of prison for murder. Parole sucks. It gets lonely in my trailer at night. All I have for company is my hamster, a turtle, and 60-70 lizards. I don’t use condoms so don’t ask. Looking for a mature Christian, 18-21, who gets off to lizards watching her have sex. Are you the one?

All dates and romantic correspondence can be arranged via noldevine@gmail.com