Austin to Portland

2018 spring trip2018tripmap



I’m riding my Rascal from Austin to Portland. I can no longer fit in my car due to ballooning from 180 pounds to over 500 and counting. A pox upon those 2-for-1 McGriddles coupons that nice lady at the post office gave me! I just hope to god my mobility scooter has enough juice to lug my fat ass across the country.

I started at SXSW in Austin and will end with my parents scolding me for being a bum in Portland. I’ll be sleeping at campsites and in my trunk as I tour the Southwest. I’m taking three or four weeks to do this. If the Rascal proves a tad slow I may switch to my car. The fact that I don’t own a Wal-Mart scooter or weigh a quarter ton is immaterial. Don’t question it.

For now I’m down on the Mexican border in Big Bend. If you know of neat things along these stops let me know. I’m mostly looking to do outdoors shit: Hiking, camping, hot springs, swimming holes, sucking trucker cock under the stars, etc. Drive-ins and cheap comedy are cool too. If you can provide me with acid, meth, hookers, horse tranqs, or children’s Tylenol it would be appreciated. If out-of-focus pictures taken on a $20 camera from Craigslist are your thing then you can peep my instagram here:

P.S. If this Rascal’s a rockin’ please come a knockin’. It probably means I’ve tipped over and need use of a crane to right myself.