Planet Craigslist: Synthetic Horse Shooter

Planet Craigslist recounts my years of trolling men with a series of depraved sex ads. The entry outlining the project can be found here: Planet Craigslist: Bang My Mom

Bestiality has held my interest from the moment I torrented human on horse porn at my first apartment. The film showed a stallion tied to a window and a woman on her knees. She sucked and fucked it while muttering in Russian. When the horse came to climax it poured from her hole like an infant spitting custard. My internet provider sent a letter but thank god it was just for stealing a copy of Curious George.

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I have no amorous interest in bestiality but am fascinated by the people who fuck animals on cam. There sits a stark line between performers at the bottom of porn’s food chain and those who revel in sucking dog cock. The former do their jobs with perfunctory effort, the latter unfettered grunts and fond recollection.

I wonder why people fuck animals. Ponder what drove them to the point of a horse entering their holes. Of losing their virginity to a dog at the pool. I wonder if it has to do with depravity, humiliation, the idea of fucking something grosser than you are. A being that can’t say no. In adolescence my cousin made a calf lick his balls on our grandpa’s dairy farm. As an adult he turned darker. Last I heard he’s a meth addicted juggalo with Hep C. I don’t know what possessed him to do it or what pleasure he drew from the act. Maybe earth’s rejects take solace in knowing they can copulate outside the human race. Outside the world they find themselves distant from. Maybe they’re just horny and masturbation can’t sate them. Who knows. Sexuality manifests a million different ways.

This special needs teacher was busted for fucking dogs so I sent her a message on Facebook. Story of her deeds here:

I make no moral claim when it comes to consenting sex but bestiality toes the edges of acceptability. I can’t outright condemn it as I don’t think an animal is for sure harmed if it’s the penetrator. But to fuck a dog up the ass seems to cross a line as they can’t consent. There aren’t enough non-verbal cues in the world when it comes to cross-species pollination. I read of a man who raped a puppy with such force its intestinal tract didn’t function. There’s no doubt someone like that is a sicko. But a lonely lad who lets his pup pound him is murkier. I don’t know if the dog is hurt or even know what’s up when it mounts ya. When it shoots a load of puppy making cum. Of course the person should stop it from happening but some folks are driven to dog cock. They wanna fuck animals. And maybe the animal wants to fuck them. Maybe.

In Minneapolis I ran a ridiculous ad on Craigslist that circled at the edges of bestiality. The fetish I described drew a subset with animal fantasies. People opened themselves to an internet ghost, attaching their photos and thoughts on fucking dogs. They didn’t know who sat on the other side of the screen, only that sex would come if they were compliant.


Best responses:

1. I know that dog costume will fit me perfect. I like this fantasy. Makes me want to bark and Howell. Even thanking of humping your leg. Even puting my nose in your crotch and lick. Ruff ruff

2. Your fantasy sounds like fun! I’m 27, husky, 6′ or so and very hairy, even have a beard! I’ve personally had a lot of fantasies involving animals that I’d never want to actually act out with an animal.

3. Hi
I can help you fulfill your doggy fantasy. I’d love to fuck a girl in the ass, been a long time for me. If acting out your fantasy helps me get it then that’s fine with me. Fantasies are weird, no judgement from here.
One thing though. I have a fantasy of getting deep throated until my jizz sprays down your throat. Is that something you could go along with afterwards?
I’m 42, 5’11, 210lbs. I bet your doggy outfit would fit me nicely.

4. I’m Brandon. First, I am going to say way to go for just putting yourself out there. I chuckled a few times when reading it, but the freakish lover inside me said….. “OH how I hope this goes down”. If you dont choose me that is totally fine, but I do wish for you a great fantasy fuck……. one that satisfies this vision for yourself and Sloopy…. =) This takes a little courage I am not gonna lie. For you and for me….lol. I have experience as an actor so I think I would be a great candidate because once I completely submurge myself into the role I believe it will be a better experience for you, rather than someone who is in it for themselves. I would like to be of assistance, I think this is great…… I also think that it would be a once in a lifetime thing…… maybe for the both of us. =)

5. Subject Line: Pig Ears
Let me be completely upfront, I want to do this because I want to fuck a girl in the ass and haven’t had any luck. That being said I will wear the suit, I will talk dirty, and completely role play as a Harris if it means I get to fuck you sweet asshole.

6. Pleaser. 5’11”, average build, I broke a rule and brushed my teeth – wine or beer would bring back some dog breath.

7. It doesn’t seem like a Disney fantasy, so dirty dog talk may be mixed.

I am 5’11”

8. This guy included a bunch of pics of him at the backroom of a vet’s office with a parrot on his shoulder and caged animals nearby:

First off: It’s really hard to believe you’re real. But on the off chance you are – because your fantasy turns me the hell on – I’m going to respond. Note: I’m not being a dick and asking if you ARE real – just sayin’ … it’s hard to believe.

Second: Glad to see you posted again. I was super annoyed when I typed out my response only to see you had gotten flagged. So flippin’ lame. I think guys do it to limit how many responses you get. Ultra ridiculous.

I’m responding because I think it’s totally awesome that you’ve got this fantasy, aren’t going to abuse a real dog, and have found an awesome way to fulfill the fantasy. I’m in vet med, and people who use dogs kinda sorta piss me off a little. But, I’m also pretty non-judgmental and I understand the . So your creative solution? It’s awesome, it rocks, and it deserves to be rewarded. I’m happy to re-read your fantasy a few more times so I have it down pat and can stick to the book, so to speak. 😉

What’s in it for me?

It turns me on to no end to know I’m fulfilling somebody’s fantasy. I enjoy sex the most when I see the other person just melting because of how awesome it is for them. So if this is your fantasy …. I’m happy to bark, pant, lick you, and fuck you doggy-style. If you want it anally first, that’s fine with me. If you want to lead me back to the kennel … I’m happy to do it. It would be my reward just to see you get off on your fantasy, ya know?

For what it’s worth, I’m not a flake. Or an asshole.

I am older (34), but you said you didn’t care, so I’m replying anyway. I’m 6′ tall, but you said the suit should fit. I live west of Minneapolis – about 20 minutes from Dinkytown. So that works, too.

All in all, I’m down for playing out your fantasy. 🙂

I haven’t always had to cast a lure to reel in the pup fuckers of the internet. Sometimes they come to me. I used to track the terms people used to find my site. For the most part they were common sense queries like this:

But I also found that many hits came from those seeking vids, pics, and tips for bestiality. I jokingly put tags describing animal sex on most of my posts. Those breadcrumbs led these fine folk to me. Here’s a sampling of their searches:





This site wasn’t the only where I unexpectedly ran into animal fuckers. On my fake OK Cupid of a seven-fingered pregnant teen I found dudes who’d let a dog join the gangbang.

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As I spent time uncovering the beast freaks of the internet I found more and more of them. They crossed over to Craigslist though only in hushed tones. I ran ads hinting at a sexual attraction to animals and people sniffed me out to see if I was for real. Much like the surface world I was called a sick fuck but a few indicated interest. I’d try suck more out of them but they were hesitant to get explicit online. These men hid like rats in apartment walls. Rats scatter but are drawn by bait. Bait they can stick their dick in. So I started thinking of what kind of meat to set in my rat trap. The following offer was a post by some dude on Craigslist Casual.


He even had pics of the toys. They looked realistic: veiny, thick, and a disgusting off color. I emailed the dude posing as a woman wanting a hot shot of horse juice. He didn’t bite the bait. I’d sniffed in search of CL’s bestiality scene but this man’s post gave me the courage to throw up a more explicit ad and see what happened. I was afraid to straight up mention animal fucking for fear of being reported to the police. So I played at its edges, leaving just enough there to draw forth the freaks. This ad was the result of that thinking.


I ran this in multiple cities but the best responses came from San Francisco. Their Craigslist Casual has a high density of ultra open minded folks. In their ads I found a desire for acts and fetishes I thought only took life in porn. So it came as no surprise that San Fran had a few animal fuckers. Here’s a collection of replies to my fecal play ad.

Best responses:

1. I’ve eaten cranberries mashed potato’s and corn do you have a pic of you ?

2. Mmmm. I bet he enjoys that horse dildo. I’d be fine with just eating your pussy and asshole out for the 15 minutes then to business.

3. I have had salad, popcorn and buffalo wildwings in the last 16 hours. I have plenty of experience with fecal play (shit on the ground and doing a girl from behind until I drive her face into it) (shit on her chest and make her play with it while I stand next to the bed holding her legs open as far as they go and entering her when she has smeared it around enough) (shitting in a submissives mouth, having them swallow, then forcing them to puke it back up with fingers, a dildo, or my 8″member)

4. would you be into this?

– – He sent a vid of a woman shoving fruit up her ass, pooping on a plate, then eating it. Sample quote:

“Eating all this…fruit. It’s making me so horny.”

5. I’ve had some experience with fecal play with a previous partner and was extremely aroused by it. I have had a burrito, thai chicken and several beers today, so my bowel movement should be good and messy. I’d really love to be a part of this. Let me know what kind of pics you’d like and when you would like to meet up

6. Im serious pay u to piss in my mouth .will do any thing u want .if u can do that yes vary real .perfer fat women

7. Ate nothing but chips and soda can shit on command

must be able to pick me up inn oakland

8. I have been knotted by a vary large women and her rotteweiler ..will do anything u want if u are really really real ..taboo is sick but i like it .piss on me please

9. I can understand the horses, but how do you use rats? It is a shame this country is so backwards.

I told him I masturbate my ass with rat tails.

His reply: Never thought of rats that way. I know some people enjoy reptiles that way. I always consider animals based upon their potential compatibility.

I hope you guys are successful with your post. Id offer to help but unfortunately I can only produce in the morning after my coffee!

10. I hope you people die of AIDS very very soon you freaks

Craigslist is made of many shades. There’s no doubt that a dark light shines from those who dip their dicks in rats, cats, mares, and other domestics. I love animals and hate to see them hurt. But at the same time I eat meat. Swallow food formed by grinding a living thing to pieces. Culture says we can eat it but can’t fuck it. I stand somewhere in the middle of that thinking. I give no credence to the puppy fuckers, the penetrators, those who abuse animals in any way. But I have no doubt there’s people who struggle with an innate attraction to non-human species. They’re born into this world with a sexuality viewed as unacceptable. What they do with that is up to them.

I’m pretty square when it comes to sex so I can’t pretend to understand their impulses. Why they’d hookup with something that can’t wipe its ass. But I don’t have to get it to understand it’s something real. That their heart holds an itch. An inner impulse. A desire to let dogs fill them with their puppy making cum. God bless ’em. With that in mind I’ll leave you with this account of a pro-bestiality couple. They bond over their love of letting a horse sticking its dick in their orifices.


Planet Craigslist is a limited series chronicling my years of trolling dudes with bizarre sex requests. More pieces will follow.